The End

Well, here we are. I come before you today to make it official: Wicked Awesome Adventure is going on "indefinite hiatus." If you're familiar with webcomics, you will probably know that this is code for "the end." I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but I just don't have time to continue the comic. While I would like to see it continue in some form or another at some point, that point is... not now.

Since I've returned from my trip of backpacking from Florida to Oregon (which was fantastic), I would like to thank everyone who has read the comic for the past year (or less, I won't judge you) and especially thank the people who have commented and offered suggestions. This has been a blast and I quite literally could not have done it without you. Thank you very much!

If you, like me, are curious how it would have ended if it got to an actual climax and such, I've written an ending in case I never do manage to get back to it:

The good guys win.

Thank you!

> -Andrew

(Magnum) 357 - Be CAD

>Actually, no, put WEBCOMIC on HIATUS

356 - Be... dead?

Yeah... that seems about right.

>Be CAD

355 - Deduce PLOT, use HOSE-WHIP

Oooh boy, that POISON is kicking in... better make this quick.

JET: The joke's on you, Ninja. I've spent the last three years building up an immunity to Iocane poison!

NINJA: Good thing I didn't use Iocane then. But you're stalling.

JET: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You only think I'm stalling! 

NINJA: If you're trying to trick me into giving away something, it won't work. 

JET: It has worked! You've given everything away! You weren't after McBeard at all! You were... after... me?

NINJA: Your powers of observation continue to serve you well, Jill Elysia Thunderson. I hope you realize the trouble we've gone through to---

JET: NINJA, I AM YOUR FATHER!

HOSE-WHIP MONOLOGUE-INTERRUPTION ATTACK TO RETRIEVE ANTIDOTE THROUGH DEFT PROWESS!

Wait, no. This is clearly a POISON-INDUCED PARALYSIS NON-ATTACK.

This... may not end well....

>Be... dead?

354 X - Be BATMAN

Author's Note: OK, this one's just for fun (because I love Batman). Back to the actual universe tomorrow!

354 - Interrogate

JET: OK, now that we've had a breather, where to begin? The antidote? Hand it over.

NINJA: Really? Just like that?

JET: I'll give you ten cookies for it.

NINJA: Show me the cookies first.

JET: I don't have them with me, they're safe in a---

NINJA: I'm joking. I like cookies but it's not an addition.

JET: Then why did Braxley's cookies make you tell us everything?

NINJA: Tell you everything? Don't you remember? I just used my "answer" as cover to escape!

JET: So you did. But you stabbed yourself with your katana. You need the antidote as much as I do.

NINJA: Already drank some on the chase over here, maybe?

JET: No you didn't, I would have seen that.

NINJA: Like when you saw me change to a new, clean shirt?

JET: Eh, it's probably not a proper antidote anyway. You're a ninja. You don't just go around antidote-ing people.

NINJA: It's marked with an "A." "A" for "Antidote."

JET: Just as easy to be "A" for "Arsenic" or "A" for "Affliction" or "A" for the first in a series of alphabetically labeled bottles.

NINJA: Then why do you want it?

JET: Maybe I'm just toying with you. Or maybe... I switched the vials while we were running.

NINJA: Unlikely. Not that I assume your skills not up to the task, but simply because I doubt you have an identical container of this size and shape, filled with the right color liquid and engraved with an "A."

JET: Maybe I'm just that crazy prepared.

NINJA: Maybe you are.

JET: And how about this: maybe I'm not poisoned. Maybe that was a bluff.

NINJA: You saw what happened to that other pirate right? Foaming green at the mouth, turning a brilliant shade of merlot?

JET: Different weapon. He was hit with thrown stuff, not the katana.

NINJA: I stabbed you with a kunai, not the katana.

JET: Wh-- oh. Right. Well then why am I not purple and foamy?

NINJA: Less of a dose. He took three heavy doses against your one.

JET: But I wasn't the target. McBeard was.

NINJA: Oh? Having a case of the clevers?

JET: He's a big, beefy guy. If the poison hasn't stopped me yet, it would do even less to him.

NINJA: And?

JET: So why do it? Couldn't be a normal assassination. And if it wasn't a straight up assassination, what was it?

NINJA: You tell me, clever girl. But remember one little thing. I'll tell you this: you are poisoned. And time is ticking past. And, just between you and me, this is probably the most fun I've had in years.

>Deduce PLOT, use HOSE-WHIP

353 - Conclude PURSUIT MINIGAME!

After continually alternating A and B (or maybe entering a CHEAT CODE) you have successfully pursued the NINJA to the top of a PIRATE SKYSCRAPARR, possibly the tallest BUILDING on CORSAIR ISLE. The NINJA rushes to the EDGE and turns around to face you, holding a BOTTLE over the VERY LONG DROP. Holy CRAP, that was a long CHASE.

NINJA: Holy (huff) crap you are good at (puff) le parkour.

JET: You're not (huff) bad (puff) yourself.

NINJA: You sure (huff) you're not a (puff) ninja?

JET: Pretty sure (whuff!).

NINJA: Right. (huff) I assume you want (whuff!) the antidote?

JET: Yeah. (huff) Yeah, hand it over or (puff) I stab you (huff) or something... stabby.

NINJA: Nope, sorry (huff puff). Try it and the (huff) antidote (puff)... well, it drops. And breaks. (whuff!)

JET: (whuff!)

Holy crap, let's just take a second to catch our respective BREATHS. It's like you're still hitting A and B. You're going to go to bed with your fingers still twitching at A and B. Man. Whoa.

>Interrogate

352 - Begin NINJA PURSUIT MINIGAME

OH SWEET GOODNESS KEEP ALTERNATING A AND B!
 

>Conclude PURSUIT MINIGAME

351 - Pursue NINJA up BARBER POLE to get ANTIDOTE!

The CHASE is on!

>Begin NINJA PURSUIT MINIGAME

350 - Continue listening to STORY

You continue listening to the NINJA'S STORY.

NINJA: In the ninja dojo, I learned many lessons I would keep with me for the rest of my life. I learned the value of honor. The value of clan. The value of duty. I learned how to kill with knives, swords, bombs and double-barreled plasma shotguns. Additionally, I learned two very important tricks to use against the weak-minded. First, how to use a visual aid to distract people while you swap yourself out for a wooden dummy.

NINJA (VOICE-OVER): Second, I learned how to use slow-acting poisons on every single weapon I use.

Oh crap.

>Pursue NINJA up BARBER POLE to get ANTIDOTE!

349b - The NINJA begins his STORY

NINJA: The story starts a long time ago.

JET: Is this going to take a while?

NINJA: I don't know, maybe?
JET: Because I'm not sure how I feel about another long divergence from the main plot.

NINJA: What are you talking about?

JET: I'm asking the questions here!

NINJA: . . .

JET: . . .

NINJA: The story starts a long time ago. In a ninja dojo....

>Continue listening to STORY

348a - The NINJA begins his STORY

(And you swipe a COOKIE. Everybody likes COOKIES!)

>The NINJA begins his STORY

347 - Be amazed by COOKIE EFFICACY

The NINJA ninja-swipes a COOKIE and ninja-noms into it.

NINJA: Sweet lords, cookies! A ninja's only weakness!

The NINJA finishes the COOKIE in record time.

NINJA: You... you win. I'll tell you everything I know.

You are amazed by the EFFICACY of the COOKIE OFFER TECHNIQUE. This is an information gathering tactic that you were unfamiliar with.*

>The NINJA begins his STORY

*On an unrelated NOTE, if the NINJA kicks the NINJA BUCKET, you're totally swiping that KATANA.

346 - Interrogate NINJA

You move in for the INTERROGATION! (Finally!)

JET (BAD COP): OK, chump, you're going to give us answers, see?

BCF (GOOD COP): Well, I mean, if you want to....

JET: Even if you don't! Tell us--- WHERE IS JOHN CONNER???

NINJA: ...eh?

JET: Don't play dumb, you--- wait, I meant to ask WHO SENT YOU???

NINJA: I'll never tell!

BCF: Wait, we already know that one, ma'am. Invisible Shogun.

JET: What? Oh, right. Well then HOW MANY OF YOU WERE SENT???

NINJA: I'll never tell!

BCF: If you help us, I can help you out. I'm a medic and that wound looks pretty---

JET: Oh, not going to talk, eh? Well YES YOU ARE GOING TO TALK! Or there will be pain!

NINJA: There's already pain!

JET: There will be MORE pain if you don't talk!

BCF: Contrariwise, contrition could constitute considerable comfort.

NINJA: What? (assorted pain noises because of... well... he's been stabbed, remember?)

JET: WERE THERE ANY OTHER TARGETS???

NINJA: Yes!

JET: Now we're getting somewhere! WHO ARE THE OTHER TARGETS???

NINJA: I'll never tell!

JET: Why you little---

BCF: Um, if you help us out Ninja, well...

>Be amazed by COOKIE EFFICACY

345 - Consider LAMP SELECTION

BRAXLEY comes back bearing two different LAMPS. Apparently, your ORDERS were a tad VAGUE. You tell him to hold on to the OLD-TIMEY GENIE LAMP YOU MIGHT FIND A GENIE IN and to set up the FLOOR LAMP by the dying (but oddly patient) NINJA. You explain that you will be playing the role of BAD COP, while BRAXLEY is to attempt to be GOOD COP.

As he sets up the proper LAMP for INTERROGATION, BRAXLEY asks if you have any more last minute instructions. Like... specific questions. Or really, anything in particular to... um... interrogate the NINJA about.

>Interrogate NINJA, finally!

344 - Issue COMMAND!

BRAXLEY shuffles off to find you a TABLE LAMP to assist in your BY-THE-BOOK INTERROGATION.

>Consider LAMP SELECTION

Happy American Independence Day!

>>>

343! (342, Take 2!)

JET: I guess I better interrogate that ninja before he dies, maybe find out why he was attacking that guy.

BCF: That guy? You mean Ironbeard McBeard, pirate captain and possibly the new Pirate Lord?

JET: What? That guy... was... he was Ironbeard McBeard? I KNEW THAT! Of course I knew that.

BCF: I never said---

JET: DON'T QUESTION ME! I'M--- I'M NOT--- GOOD WITH... QUESTIONS! Let's... move on... shall we?

>Issue COMMAND

343...?

You (I) are (am) in your (my) SECRET WEBCOMIC LAIR. You (I) are (am) somewhat unhappy with your (my) PREVIOUS WEBCOMIC. You (I) are (am) very sorry for its DISTINCT LACK OF QUALITY and have decided to try it again TOMORROW. For tonight, you (I) plan to lounge around the LAIR, drink a SODA and play with some of your (my) STUFF, not even bothering to put up a COMIC.

Or... maybe you'll (I'll) put up a "META" COMIC.

Whatev (er).

>

342 - Interrogate DYING NINJA

JET: I guess I better interrogate that ninja before he dies, maybe find out why he was attacking that guy.

BCF: That guy? You mean Ironbeard McBeard, pirate captain and possibly the new Pirate Lord?

JET: What? That guy... was... he... was... he....

>Try THAT again

341 - NAME GET!

JET: Hey, by the way, what's your name?

BCF: Braxley "Coffee-Boots" Flynn.

JET: OK. How'd you get that nickname?

BCF: It involves a Tuesday night, a bag of coffee beans and sixteen Pirate Squirrels.

JET: Ah. That reminds me of an encounter I had with a traffic cone, a fish and a small wager. Good times.

>Interrogate DYING NINJA

"Bad Time Management Theatre" presents...

>NAME GET!

340 - Use BANDAGE, go EAST!

As a STRONG, INDEPENDENT WOMAN, you shake off your DAYDREAM and get down to business patching up your ARM (using your WICKED AWESOME HANDKERCHIEF).

JET: I'm glad I could help. Don't worry, I won't jump in front of any more knives any time soon.

IM (IMPRESSIVE MAN): Good ta hear.

You decide to head EAST and look around for M. BISON. He seems to have headed off on his own somewhere. Oh well, he can look out for himself. He's a freaking LIEUTENANT, after all! Strangely, you seem to have picked up CREWMAN #18 as a REPLACEMENT PARTY MEMBER since he's following you as you head out. Before you leave, the IMPRESSIVE MAN* glances over to you one more time.

IM (IMPRESSIVE MAN): By the by, lass. Ya seem ta be able to take care o' yerself, but here's a friendly word o' warnin'. Watch out fer two gents name o' Steelwood Corsair and Manbreath Threeplank. They're the right devils, lass.... Safe sailing.

You head EAST.

>Consider the CREWMAN

*On closer inspection, the Impressive Man's two-toned eyes come from the fact that his left eye (or right, if you're facing him) is pink, like a lot of blood vessels burst or he has pink-eye or something. Probably just another one of his many wounds.**

**Editor's note: FUN FACT! This links to a design evolution picture!

339 - Pirate Ship*

Originally, you were just developing a CRUSH on the IMPRESSIVE MAN, but frankly, this has turned into a much more developed M-M-M-MULTICRUSH, causing you to DAYDREAM about five possible PIRATE KING SHIPMATES. This is obviously more important than putting a BANDAGE on your ARM to prevent bleeding out.

>Use BANDAGE, go EAST

*It's a pun.

338 - Decide on a NON-INTERVENTIONIST COURSE OF ACTION

Well, you've been stabbed in the ARM. You shout for the PIRATES to get the NINJA and the two BEARDED CREWMEN fire their HANDCANNONS, miss (because he's a NINJA), and chase the ASSASSIN off down the STREET. Your "friend," the COFFEE-STAINED CREWMAN, loiters nearby, GUN drawn.

You pull the KUNAI out of your arm and check your previously unknown HIT POINT TOTAL. Yeah, losing one HIT POINT didn't put much of a dent in the total. Maybe a little dent in your ARM, but that should heal up.

The FUSE-BEARDED GIANT PIRATE seems torn between watching the continuing BATTLE across the RIVER and hunting down the FLEEING NINJA*. He glances down to your ARM.

IM (IMPRESSIVE MAN): If ye let that go, ye might find yerself with a pretty little scar, lass. A couple o' good scars let people know yer nothin' to be trifled with.

He pauses, staring across the RIVER.

 

IM (IMPRESSIVE MAN): Ya have me thanks for taking that knife 'stead of my back, but that was a da'fool thin' ta do and I'd ask ya not ta repeat it.

>Pirate Ship

*Were he to chase down the ninja, the large pirate would most likely plan to palm the ninja's head with one of his massive hands and squeeze it like a melon until it burst, all the while stabbing his razor sharp (but strictly utilitarian) sword deep into the purple scum's belly, then reveling in the destruction of another foe (one more enemy slain in a long list of those who dared oppose him). He'd most likely let that be a lesson. He's a harsh teach'r.

337 - Be... DEAD?

Um... no.

YOU GOT: STABBED IN THE ARM!

YOU LOST: ONE HIT POINT!

Well... that was anticlimactic.

>Decide on a NON-INTERVENTIONIST COURSE OF ACTION

336 - Get STABBED

 

>Be... dead?

335 - Yell "look out," fling RANDOM INVENTORY and dive (in SLOW MOTION) to save MR TWINKLY BEARD from OBVIOUS NINJA IN OBVIOUS DISGUISE

CLIFFHANGER!

>Get STABBED

334 - Clear your head with delicious STARBOARDS© COFFEE

Your head is hurting you pretty bad. There's been a dull aching at the back of your mind since you woke up up the BUREAUCRAT'S OFFICE, but now it's starting to make it hard to think. Noticing that you don't have any VARIOUS MONIES*, you ask CREWMAN #18 if you can bum some VARIOUS MONIES to buy a COFFEE. He actually seems to care for your WELL-BEING and hands you his own COFFEE, saying that you obviously need it more than he does.You take a couple of deep swigs of the DRINK and look around.

Holy CANADA! 

It's a NINJA! IN DISGUISE!!!

And this COFFEE is FANTASTIC!!!

>Yell "look out," fling RANDOM INVENTORY and dive (in SLOW MOTION) to save MR TWINKLY BEARD from OBVIOUS NINJA IN OBVIOUS DISGUISE

*Editor's Note: I checked and couldn't find any change in Jet's pockets. If she's picked any money up since she landed on the island... she's dropped it.

333 - Expose NINJA, talk to CREWMAN

You immediately point out that there's a--- 

There's a....

NINJA? What NINJA? You're, you're...

...getting...

Hmm?

Oh, you should talk to that CREWMAN! STEELWOOD CORSAIR and his CREW seem to have their HEADS screwed on pretty tight. Maybe he knows something about the NINJA to whom you supposedly owe a FAVOR.

JET: Evening, sailor!

CREWMAN #18: Miss Thunderson.

JET: Quick question. Know anything about a captured ninja in the prison?

CREWMAN #18: Aye. We caught one purplebelly who was trying to sneak around this side of the city. Stinking wet, probably just crawled out of the river. Didn't put up a fight so some of Threeplank's boys hauled him over to the Penitentiary.

JET: Tell your boss that he... that he.... You know what, never mind. I think.... I think we're....

CREWMAN #18: ...ma'am?

JET: ...getting off topic....

>Clear your HEAD with delicious STARBOARDS© COFFEE

332 - Go NORTH

You come out the NORTH end of the SOUTH ALLEY and look to your WEST. There is a COFFEE SHOP here called "Starboards" which is still open and serving DRINKS (probably to keep these PIRATES fighting through the night). There are a few TABLES in front of the SHOP, along with a wonderful RIVERFRONT VIEW to the WEST.

Three GRIZZLED PIRATES stand by the EDGE, staring off across the RIVER. They appear to be watching the PUGILISTIC ACTIVITIES with calm but keen INTEREST, seemingly unworried by the occasional NINJA STAR, KUNAI or EXPLOSIVE that flies their way. Other persons of interest include the BARRISTA in the SHOP who is serving one of STEELWOOD CORSAIR'S CREW, the aforementioned CREWMAN and one of the blue-clothed PIRATE GUARDS like you've seen all over the ISLAND.

Exits are NORTH through the NORTH ALLEY, WEST into the RIVER, EAST down this STREET and SOUTH back through the SOUTH ALLEY to the BRIDGE SQUARE.

What do you do?

>Expose NINJA, talk to CREWMAN

331 - Yeah... HE needs THIS

JILL: AND I'LL GIVE THE SAME TO ANY NINJAS I ENCOUNTER BECAUSE I HATE THEM ALL!

You steal his MASCARA and head NORTH, leaving the GOTH PIRATE lying on the GROUND grasping his... EXISTENTIAL SADNESS.

>Go NORTH

330 - Point out that THOSE THINGS will kill HIM

You slowly turn to face the GOTH PIRATE, your hidden HAND nervously gripping the HANDLE of the STYLIZER. You squint at HIM. He squints at YOU. You both glance around surreptitiously.

JILL: Those things will kill you---

GOTH: Yeah, life is pain, sister.

JILL: You didn't let me finish. If they don't kill you... I might.

GOTH: I'd be scared, but the only emotion I know is existential sadness.

JILL: Well you'll be feeling the dank miasma of me kicking you in the nads if you don't get to the point. What do you want?

GOTH: Fine, fine, whatever. You didn't hear this from me, but a certain ninja gave me a message for you.

JILL: I don't... I don't know any ninjas.

GOTH: Well this one knows you, says you owe him a favor.

JILL: I don't owe anyone anything!

GOTH: I'm just passing on a message, sister. He said to pay him a visit. He's locked up in the island penitentiary, up north and east from here.

JILL: I'll keep that in mind. Consider the message delivered.

GOTH: Whatever. Life is pain.

JILL: SO IS THIS CONVERSATION!

>Give him SOMETHING for his TROUBLE

329 - Go NORTH, find FINAL PIRATE CANDIDATE

Well, this BATTLE seems to be a great little STALEMATE and looks to continue as such for some time to come. FUN is fun, but it's time to get down to the SERIOUS BUSINESS of finding the third and final PIRATE CAPTAIN in the running for PIRATE LORD. Since he isn't immediately visible here in the TOWN SQUARE he must be to the NORTH. (You're like a DETECTIVE!)

As you scoop up three moar NINJA STARS and proceed up the ALLEY, you hear SOMEONE whispering and trying to get your ATTENTION. It seems the GOTH PIRATE has something to say to you.

What do you do?

>Point out that THOSE THINGS will kill HIM

328 - Recapitulate!

Man, it feels like you've been shooting across that river for two weeks! Let's go over what we've been up to recently.

1. You woke up on the SHORE.
2. You went to a LIGHTHOUSE and talked to some PIRATES who filled you in on LOCAL EVENTS.
3. You walked into TOWN and found out about the UPCOMING PIRATE LORD ELECTION.
4. You met STEELWOOD CORSAIR and agreed to help him win the ELECTION.
5. You met MANBREATH THREEPLANK and agreed to help him win the ELECTION.
6. You... passed out.
7. You woke up and went out to explore more of the TOWN.
8. You blasted away across the RIVER* and then got to this RECAP!

Hooray! Time to get back down to BUSINESS. What should you do next?

>Go NORTH, find final PIRATE CANDIDATE

*Specifically, you blasted away at some NINJA, some of whom recently killed the former PIRATE LORD.

Andrew: Meet NEW NEIGHBORS

Maybe it would be better to stay inside the APARTMENT... and get back to JET'S PLOTLINE.

Yeah, let's do that for MONDAY.

Moving Week!

I am moving to a new RESIDENCE! This week will be taken up by packing BOXES and moving said BOXES, and with the VICIOUS COMPLICATIONS arising from switching TEH INTERNETS from one PLACE to the next, I'm just going to go ahead and take the week off from WICKED AWESOME ADVENTURE. The WEBCOMIC will resume when I get INTERNET ACCESS at the new PLACE on JUNE FIRST. Wish me LUCK and thanks for reading the COMIC and giving me such fun SUGGESTIONS!

-ANDREW

ADDITIONALLY! Should you have any W.A.A. ART or GUEST COMICS to submit, feel free to send them in via the CONTACT E-MAIL ADDRESS and I'll (probably) put them up this week!

UPDATE! I won't be getting TEH INTERNETS at my new place until the end of next week! So next update (hopefully) on FRIDAY, JUNE THIRD! Sorry!

327 - Don CORSAIR DISGUISE, join BATTLE

You don the RED DOMINO MASK, HEAD-KER-CHIEF, and WHITE COTTON GLOVES you took from the unconscious (now dead) CORSAIR PIRATE. Your disguise is perfect*! Dual wielding your STYLIZER and a FLINTLOCK PISTOL, you leap atop a (recently vacated) BARREL and start firing across the BRIDGE. M. Bison joins in beside you, armed with a BRACE OF PISTOLS and raw COMBAT INSTINCTS.

Bang, bang! Woot, woot!

>Recapitulate

*Your disguise may be fool-proof, but Steelwood Corsair is no fool. He does not appear to mind your participation, though.

326 - Examine FAMOUS PILE OF PICKLES

You are immediately drawn to the PYRAMIDAL PILE OF PLUMP, PERFECT PICKLES. Unfortunately, your path is somewhat blocked by the PUGILISTIC POSSE OF PIRATE PERSONS currently engaged in diplomacy with a group of SHADOWY FORMS across the RIVER. While you can't be entirely sure, it's a pretty safe bet that those are the NINJA of the INVISIBLE SHOGUN who killed the former PIRATE LORD, SILVER JIM PEGBEARD. It appears that STEELWOOD CORSAIR is leading the defense at this position.

Well, might as well pump the PUBLIC INFORMATION PIRATE on duty for information. He appears to be quite young, and the ACNE scarring and BOYISH EXPRESSION support that theory. Also, the frighteningly high pitch of his VOICE.

PUBLIC INFORMATION PIRATE (PIP): Hi! Welcome to the public info desk! We arr always happy to help you with any and all questions! About anything!

JET: Thanks! Question the first: how do I get on the roof of the produce market without climbing straight up the outside wall?

PIP: What? Um.... I don't think... um....

(You duck as a NINJA STAR flies past and embeds itself in a nearby WALL.)

JET: You said any and all questions!

PIP: Um. Arr! I did say that! But I don't actually know. Really! No one's asked that before!

JET: That's disappointing. Thanks anyway!

PIP: Um, it's arr pleasure!

>Don CORSAIR DISGUISE, join BATTLE

325 - Go WEST

>Examine FAMOUS PILE OF PICKLES